In Sri Lanka, people ask women a lot of questions.
Some come from curiosity.
Some from love.
Some from habit.
But many of them carry an invisible weight.
It often starts with the first big one.
“So… when are you getting married?”
Sometimes it’s asked casually at weddings.
Sometimes at family gatherings.
Sometimes by people you barely know.
What people rarely consider is that the answer isn’t always simple.
Some women don’t want to get married.
Some women do — but haven’t met the right partner yet.
Some are navigating relationships that aren’t easy to explain to others.
And some are simply living their lives without rushing into something that is meant to
last a lifetime.
But the questions don’t stop there.
Once a woman gets married, the next one arrives almost immediately.
“So… any news?”
At first, it sounds harmless. Maybe even sweet. But after the tenth time, the question
begins to feel less like curiosity and more like expectation.
Then comes the timeline advice.
“Don’t wait too long.”
“You’re not getting any younger.”
“Have one soon. Then the second will follow.”
What people don’t realise is that these questions land very differently depending on
what someone is going through.
For some women, the answer is simple: they’re not ready yet.
Maybe they’re building a career.
Maybe they’re figuring out their marriage.
Maybe they just want to live their life a little longer before becoming responsible for
another human being.
For others, the question cuts deeper.
Because behind that polite smile might be months of fertility treatments. Hormone
injections before work. Early morning scans. Blood tests. Waiting rooms.
Sometimes there are miscarriages that nobody knows about.
Sometimes there are doctors’ appointments that quietly chip away at hope.
And sometimes the truth is even simpler — they don’t know if they want children at all.
But in our culture, that answer is rarely accepted without explanation.
The questions don’t stop after the first child either.
Once the baby arrives, the next question appears almost immediately.
“When is the second one coming?”
As if motherhood is a checklist that must be completed on schedule.
We often forget that every woman’s life looks different.
Some women are navigating infertility.
Some are recovering from difficult pregnancies.
Some are exhausted from postpartum life and just trying to stay afloat.
Some are choosing not to have more children.
And some simply want a little space before the next big decision.
The truth is, marriage and motherhood are deeply personal journeys.
They involve health, relationships, timing, emotions and sometimes pure luck.
Things that cannot always be explained over a cup of tea at a family gathering.
So maybe the kinder question isn’t “When are you getting married?” or “Any news?”
Maybe it’s no question at all.
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is trust that women are making the
right decisions for their lives, even if we don’t know the full story behind them.
Because more often than not, the answers women give are only a small part of what
they’re actually going through.